Bluffing Being a Burnley Fan

[Rowls]

There's a well known scene in the IT Crowd where a character explains you only need to learn a few phrases to be able to pass off as a football fan.

Things like, "The problem with Arsenal is they always try and walk it in the net" etc.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6yN2H3--1aw

What would you suggest to somebody who wanted to bluff a decent knowledge of Burnley FC and pass off as a true supporter?

[Quickenthetempo]

Eeee, it ant been same on Turf since they stopped doing mushy peas.

[claptrappers_union]

Vincent Kompany is going to be the next manager of Man City

[criminalclaret]

Define "true supporter"?

[jdrobbo]

I’m amazed he survived the nineteen match run

Legs, Hearts, Minds

We’ve not had a natural goalscorer since Chaz and Payts

Mee, Tarky and Popey would have played more for England by now if they were at any other club.

[Rowls]

Define "true supporter"?

Know at least 5 phrases that when spoken will make other Burnley fans will nod in agreement. ;P

[Rowls]

Vincent Kompany is going to be the next manager of Man City

This one works for Citeh fans too. *clap* *clap* *clap*

[wilks_bfc]

We’ve never replaced John Deary

[claptrappers_union]

When in the company of someone proposing to their girlfriend or fastenening their shoelaces, they boo them

[claptrappers_union]

When pretending to leave for the match

“OK… phone, wallet, keys… oh, season ticket and cocaine… yet right, lets go”

[TheFamilyCat]

I was at the Colchester game.

[Stalbansclaret]

Burnley have revolutionised the way they play under Kompany. No more long ball and grinding out results like under Dyche

The 91-92 Div 4 title win was the best season ever …. Jimmy Mullen’s claret and blue army !

Owen Coyle ….. Judas !!

I wish we could get Nathan Tella back

If Robbie Blake and Glen Little had had more pace they’d have been world class. What was Ternent thinking at Watford ?

[ArmchairDetective]

Thing about Bolton is they're 10 years ahead of us.

[Holmeclaret]

We’re another top team in the Manchester area.

[Buxtonclaret]

No one likes us.
Or our Lancashire 'ome

[equinox]

'Man City are the greatest ever team, ever'

[Hipper]

Just tell them you are a Burnley fan.

No-one will believe that someone would say this to impress.

[fidelcastro]

That John Bond nearly ruined us.

That Brian Laws nearly ruined us.

[Roosterbooster]

If you think that City squad is expensive, try buying a twix on t'Turf

[whiffa]

"I was there at the Orient game..." "But you're only in your 20s" "Shi.... wait"

[Longsider]

Show them your number of loyalty points tattoo

[Clovius Boofus]

I thought we lacked identity.

[GordonvaleClaret]

Rowls is my best mate.

[Joe14]

Glen Little…… he used to scare defenders to death

[Culmclaret]

We’ve never replaced John Deary

[GetIntoEm]

Eee ain't then pints and brews a rip off

[Pickles]

Gudmondson

[bfcjg]

Teasdale out.

[Belial]

I 'wer there that night at Derby

[Harrythomsonscap]

Bob Lord Knows My Father

[ClaretsPadiham]

Eric Djemba Djemba stroked my dog down Gawthorpe woods

[timshorts]

No, burnley.

Barnsley is a different place and in Yorkshire.
That's probably all you need on the south coast.

[Vegas Claret]

we are crap, nobody is good enough

[Middle-agedClaret]

Every ref is against us.

[Steve-Harpers-perm]

John Gayle a very underrated footballer.

[Inchy]

I was at the orient game

[Varler]

Oooo George Oghani

[Paul Waine]

We are the longside, Burnleeeeee - and repeat - and repeat - and repeat - and repeat

UTC

[bpgburn]

Bertie Bee knew Bill Shankly don't you know?

[Bosscat]

Its Wood !!!!!

[Beagle]

‘These days of course, half of them are singing ‘oom pah pah’.’

[Herts Clarets]

We are the longside, Burnleeeeee - and repeat - and repeat - and repeat - and repeat

UTC

For authenticity, each chant should be sung at a faster pace than the last one until you reach such a pace the words are virtually unintelligible.

[Claret Till I Die]

Slag off one of the best watering holes in Burnley for Burnley fans...

[Spike]

Out wasn’t Teasdale’s last name

[Cleveleys_claret]

Cayne Hanley was destined for the top

Michael Essian nearly signed for us

Pochettino was interviewed for the Burnley job before he went Spurs a couple of years later

I was there for the Payts "Natural Born Claret" t shirt at Wrexham

Glen Little wasn't fit to lace Waddle's boots

[FulledgeClaret]

That lad Foster is Pony.

[jrgbfc]

Have we signed Derek Riordan yet?

[aggi]

Sod the light shows, fancy pants dog troupe was pure razmataz.

[Bin Ont Turf]

Tiptoe through the North Stand with your Gazelles on, and get your Bene and hot.

[ClaretPete001]

I tend to think that anyone who seriously thinks that anyone would want to bluff being a Burnley fan must be a Burnley fan because nobody else cares...

So, if you want to bluff being a Burnley fan write a post like this on a Burnley forum.

And the true test of whether someone is a Burnley fan and posts on the UTC forum then it is the ability to construct a sentence that by it's own internal logic is contradictory.

And if you want to prove that not only is someone a Burnley fan, and a UTC poster but is also from Padiham then just get them to explain why the post is contradictory.

If after several goes the person chins you then you have a found a genuine Padiham Claret who is simultaneously trying to bluff being a Burnley fan.....!